Happy Thanksgiving

"The best thing about Thanksgiving has got to be cleaning up after everyone else has gone home." said Grandpa as he finished loading the dishwasher. "Well shit my pants!" he exclaimed, kneeling down in front of the sink. "We're out of dishwashing detergent. I guess I'll go to the store and get some more."

"What did you say dear?" asked Grandma.

"Nothing. I'm running up to the market. I'll be back in a jiffy."

"Ok. Did you finish the dishes?"

"I'll finish YOUR dishes..." he mumbled, walking out the door and fumbling while he shoved his arms through the sleeves of his heavy flannel barn shirt.

"What?"

"NOTHING!" he shouted. He walked out the the detached garage jiggling his unusually large key ring in his right hand. Grandpa had always been kind of a packrat, and his key ring served as a pocket-sized monument to his increasing reluctance to throw anything away.

The garage was a good 100 feet from the house, and on unusually dark nights such as this it was impossible to see your way on the unlit path. He'd made the trip a million times, and knew every detail that lay in the dark. He carefully stepped over the old rusted red wagon left in front of the garage door, reached into the doorway and flipped on the light. Nothing happened.

"Just my luck. What's next? My dick going to fall off?"

He flipped the lightswitch back to the off position and stepped into the garage. Just then he heard the sound of a pot hitting the concrete floor. "Must be the cat." he said aloud. There was a rustling sound. This time it came from the opposite side of the garage.

"Ain't no way that was the cat." he thought. "Anybody there?" He paused, waiting for a response. Nothing. He quickly made his way to the Chrysler and opened the driver's side door. Just then a shadowy figure lept from the dark corner in front of the car and tackled Grandpa to the floor. In the low light from the open car door, he saw a dreamy teenage vampire wearing a fashionable pea coat sitting on his chest, pinning him down. Grandpa tried to struggle, but soon realized it was useless.

"At least I don't have to finish the dishes." said Grandpa, as the charismatic young vampire flashed his fangs and leaned in for the kill.

"Gobble, gobble." said the vampire.