Practical Joke Backfires

Recently my office friend/enemy (frenemy?) Greg Weber has been sabotaging my work area. He started off by leaving threatening post-it notes on my computer monitor. At first they were funny, then they got scary. He soon grew tired of this, and moved on to hiding my personal effects around the office. He hid my spare shoes, he hid my gym shorts, and he also hid my insulin. It got a little too real when I slipped into a diabetic coma and they had to call the paramedics, but we still had a good laugh afterwards. Seeking a fresh start he decided to start tampering with my computer. He unplugged my peripherals and wrote the word "whore" on my monitor with a Permanent Marker.

Today, however, marked a new day of practical joke complexity. I arrived in my cubicle as usual, 7:45AM (I'm an early riser). As I routinely put my frozen bagel in the toaster, hung up my backpack, logged into my computer, and swapped my flip flops for my office shoes I could tell that something was amiss. I knew trouble lay in waiting for me, but I ignored my impulses as I attributed them to hunger. I noticed my chair was not in front of my computer as it usually is, but rather it was facing the left side of my cubicle- over by the stack of Diet Coke cans on my desk. I thought to myself, "that's funny" as I tilted my head and grabbed the back of my chair. Pulling the chair, my surroundings seemed to revolve around me in slow motion when I realized the base of my chair was tied to a Diet Coke can somewhere in the middle of the stack. As my mountain of cans came crashing down into my workspace I felt utterly helpless and vulnerable. "This is what babies feel like when they are born into the world" I reflected.

When the horrific sound of tumbling tin finally ceased, I lifted my ears and heard.... no one. No one was in the office yet. Partially relieved (and severely humbled) I began the long and tedious process of picking up the cans and re-stacking them. I then retrieved my toasted bagel and started checking emails.

Right around 8:24 I heard someone huffing and puffing approaching my cube. I turned around and saw Greg Weber bending over with his hands on his knees, sweating profusely. I could tell he'd been running. I sat there staring at him, saying nothing while he took a few minutes to catch his breath. "How's your morning going?" he said, finally breaking the silence. He was fighting to suppress his smile.

"Fine" I responded. "You're here awfully early."

"I got a bunch of work to do." He crossed his arms and looked around my cubicle. "Hmmm... does your stack of cans look different?"

"I don't know. I can't see any difference. Is there something I can help you with? I'm a very busy man."

After another painfully long silence neither of us could hold back anymore. I fessed up and told him how the cans fell down and he admitted to orchestrating the whole thing. I asked him if he had come in early so he could see the joke unfold and he said yes, but his bus was held up at the river because the bridge had been raised. Normally Greg gets to work around 10. He had to wake up 2 hours early just to try and witness my humiliation. His prank was a success, but his overall plan was a failure.

"So I guess the joke really backfired on you here."

"Yeah I guess it did."

I'm plotting my revenge. Does anyone know where I can get some ether?