Dumbledore - "I have always been gay."

The biggest news to hit the magic community since the Sorceror's Stone is sending shockwaves through wizards and muggles alike. Chamber of secrets? Not anymore. It's official, Dumbledore is gay. Sources close to Dumbledore say that they have known about his sexual orientation for a while, and that due to his increasingly flamboyant tendencies it was only a matter of time before the truth came out.

Officials speculate that this news will hurt enrollment at an already financially strapped Hogwarts Academy. If that weren't bad enough, alumni support is expected to drop to an all time low. Administrators have called an emergency meeting to discuss a plan of action. Unofficial word is that Hogwarts administration is planning to support Dumbledore in his decision to come out of the closet, although they are facing unknown results in what could be a crucial year for Wizard Academies.

Some sources have said that Dumbledore isn't actually gay. Rather, this announcement is a strategic move to position himself for a big payoff from Hogwarts in the event that he is unjustly fired. Citing alleged massive gambling debts and an addiction to barbituates, former accountant Ray Blackman believes Dumbledore is in serious financial trouble, and this is nothing more than a cry for help.

Recent polls across the Wizard community have indicated that a majority still do not approve of the homosexual lifestyle despite vast advances of the gay agenda in the Muggle world. If this is the case, Dumbledore may find himself a victim of ridicule, discrimination, and possibly hate crimes. No one knows what to expect in the coming months, but one thing is for sure- good or bad, Wizards everywhere will never be the same.