Awkward Non-Sexual Relationships

Awkward, non-sexual relationships are like a disease. Not a disease like rabies or breast cancer, but more like a disease of the mind...Alzheimer's if you will. They cripple you- and, over time, you deteriorate into a blathering fool who can't tell up from down, right from left, sweet from sour. They're addictive...and destructive.

We're all familiar with the stereotypical male-female relationship in which one party (usually the male) is using the other for sex or sexual favors. This happens all the time, and for the most part, as a society, we're OK with it.

The awkward non-sexual relationship has a similar setup- a standard male-female relationship, with one party using the other... But this time it's often the female using the male for "Non-sex", or "companionship" as you might guess.

The awkward non-sexual relationship starts off like a normal relationship might. And for the first few "non-dates" you might think to yourself, "This is going somewhere." Your non-dates consist of very wholesome activities, such as playing tennis, going bowling, watching movies, playing

board games and (even though you might not care to admit it) going on picnics. But as a normal relationship progresses from there, the awkward non-sexual relationship just festers...more and more board games, lame romantic comedies, and before you know it, even the thought of picnic food makes you sick to your stomach.

Now at this point the average reader might be thinking to him/herself... "What's wrong with going to movies and picnics? That sounds fun." The problem, my friend, is that an awkward non-sexual relationship monopolizes your time. That's where the "Awkward" part comes in.

You can easily have a non-sexual relationship and not feel the ill effects of an AWKWARD non-sexual relationship. The difference is the frequency of your outings. In a plain non-sexual relationship you don't see each other but maybe once or twice a week. Awkwardness is created by the persistence of time. The more and more time you spend together, the more comfortable you get. In turn, you start to think that sexual activities are fair game. And when it turns out you're wrong, you get frustrated.

Thus far it would seem that the awkward non-sexual relationship is only awkward and frustrating from the male point of view. This is definitely NOT the case. A lot of girls out there are stuck with deadbeat male friends who won't give it up. My powerful insight leads me to believe that there are two mutually exclusive sources for this- One, the dude is not attracted to the girl (i.e. she is a fat girl) or Two, he is a gayrod.

"OK, mustainefan, so now I know all about awkward non-sexual relationships, so what should I do?"
The answer is simple, my friend...CUT IT OFF NOW! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP IT. You'll thank me later...