Happy Halloween

Halloween isn't as fun as an adult as it was when I was a kid. I don't really eat candy anymore, and Horror Movies have lost their appeal as nothing scares me since I lost the will to live. I could go to a Halloween party (assuming I was lucky enough to be invited to one) and enjoy seeing women I know dressed up like whores. However, the plight of the ugly girl who tries to fit in will certainly kill my erotic buzz, and make me think about my life in new and different ways. I'm just not ready for that level of introspection yet.


Somebody help me.

Yes Indeed

I'm going to name my next dog "Peeves". That way when anyone asks me if I have any Pet Peeves I can say "Yes indeed."

What is True Love?

Tara had reached a pivotal moment in her life. She was a year out of college and living in an apartment with her older sister. Her older sister had been engaged for 3 years and was living with her fiance. The whole situation was a little tense between Tara, her sister, and her sister's fiance, but thats another story for another time.

Tara had been spending the last 2 months soul searching and looking for work. "When are you going to get a job and move out?" Asked her sister, jokingly. "Why don't you go back to work at the bank for now?" She realized as she finished talking that what she said was hurtful to Tara.

"I know... I'm looking. I'm actually- I'm thinking about going back to school. Whatever happens, I'm sure I'll be out of your hair soon." Tara said in a defeated voice.

"I didn't mean it like that- you can stay here as long as you want. I'm just trying to help." Said Tara's sister. "Do you want to go shopping later?"

"Maybe." Tara said as she noticed her mood changing. Her sister's reassuring comments and shopping invitation had made her feel better almost instantly. "I have to run some errands right now and stop over at Mom's. You want to meet back here at 4?"

"Sure."

"OK, see you sis."

When Tara thought about the bank job she instantly sank into depression. She could picture herself as an aging bank teller, trying to dress nice, counting cash with wrinkled fingers, and spending her 30 minute lunch breaks window shopping. As her mind painted an ever so bleak picture she told herself that it could be worse.

"I could be fat." She thought.

She remembered that her old roommate in college had entered the teaching program and seemed happy if for nothing else that she was working towards a goal. Tara wanted a goal.

"I want a goal." Tara said aloud in her car, as she was driving to Target. She had been driving in silence with the radio off, reflecting. She felt silly as she heard her own voice break the silent contemplation. She pulled into the Target parking lot, parked and went in.

Tara's life inside Target was very much unlike her life outside of Target. Once she walked through those automatic sliding doors she knew exactly what she wanted and exactly where to get it. She got out in record time forgetting not a single item on her mental shopping list. However, upon returning to her car, indecision set in once again.

She was faced with two choices- School or Bank Job- and she felt an obsessive compulsive need to choose one before she drove away. In a moment of weakness she called her ex-boyfriend, Dalton, to ask for his advice. Before she knew what happened she found herself in Dalton's apartment. Just then she realized what she needed. She needed someone to make her feel pretty.

Kitchen Mishap

Mission: Separate frozen sausage











Weapon of Choice: Cut Rate Asian Cleaver (no pun intended)











RESULT: Booboo











Don't cry for me.

Special Needs Baby

I am a special needs baby

I don't feel like blogging right now

I want to make it clear to everyone out there- I don't feel like blogging right now. There's nothing going on in my life at the moment, and I don't know of anything else going on that would be the least bit interesting to your average internet reader.

So bugger off.