Climbing Back Onto the Horse

Recovery is my greatest talent.  Life serves me a pile of shit, I eat it, get sick, and then I spend a few weeks nursing myself back to full health.  I do this without fail. 

 

 

Mattress Laaand

Perhaps I have the coffee jitters... maybe I'm suffering from lack of attention... I might have rabies. I'm an animal today. My appetites consume me, yet I'm stuck in my chair, in my cube, in the office, in the city.... I should be out in the woods, running around and attacking things like the animal I've become. I need to take and destroy at will. Why am I such a wussy?

Tidbits

Hungry Dog. Did you know that dogs eat more in the winter without gaining weight? They require the food due to the energy needed to keep warm in the winter.

Taken from "Dog Advice From Hobo the Bearded Collie"

finger

I woke up groggy, listened to "Rust In Peace" while I Brushed My Teeth.

I found $4 in my work pants. I wish I didn't have to wear pants to work. I want to wear shorts. I want to wear shorts and hooded sweatshirts. It's too hot to wear hooded sweatshirts though. But I always feel super cool with shorts and a hooded sweatshirt on.

Sqwank

Robble Robble.

"I (insert name) do solemnly swear to uphold the
office of head buttlicker"

"This town needs an enema!"

MOMENT of TRUTH

Hello boys and girls,

I want to take a moment now to get serious for a few minutes. I want to take the time to talk to you rather than at you. I am well aware that my readers expect a certain level of sincerity and I want you all to know that I love each and every one of you. When I say "love" I don't mean "Eros"- physical or romantic love, but rather "Phileo", or Brotherly Love.

You may have noticed a few reoccurring themes throughout this web log. First, do I have a fascination with retards? YES. I do. So what? I don't know exactly where it comes from. I do know it comes from one or all of several sources...

My first exposure to a retard occurred when I was in kindergarten. Back then (and maybe still now) the retards were educated alongside the normal kids. We ate lunch with them, we had recess with them. The retard that I remember most vividly from this time was a particularly agressive one. Kids are cruel to other kids, and they are even more so when those kids are retards. The normal kids would harass this retard mercilessly. Being as agressive as he naturally was, he would often lash out at them in defense of his honor, or in defense of the retarded girl that he clung to (or who clung to him).

In any case, he was a force to be reckoned with. He developed a reputation of being super strong. We didn't know how strong, but we weren't about to find out. I was scared of him- if for nothing else but the fact that you couldn't reason with a retard. I maintain that retards are super strong to this day because of my experiences in kindergarten.

Another retard of note from my life experience is Corky from the popular TV show "Life Goes On." I didn't like this show, one reason being that it was on Sunday nights, also because it was usually depressing, but mostly because it tackled "issues". However, because the show was so popular, it served as a great reference point for all retard jokes. For example, I would mimic Corky's voice often (I was not the only one) in making fun of other people...like, if someone dropped their notebook in the middle of class I might say, "My name is (insert name), I dropped my notebooooook..." in Corky's voice. It still gets laughs to this day.

I could go on and on about the various retards who have influenced me throughout my life, but the preceding two are the ones who made the most impact. Now that I've lost my train of thought and have run out of time, I will call it quits on this entry. Keep reading, and keep the e-mails coming.

Love,

MustaineFan

TIMELESS POETRY

My Brother, Mark Buttemucho, wrote this poem a few years ago. I believe it is a window into his soul...

retard

retard
standing on a building
walking up the panes of glass
reaching for the sky

maybe you think i am crazy
i am
i been walking this way for so long
i can't get any better
i am just trying to feel good

you see me living in the morning
so brilliant in the afternoon
nighttime comes and smashes the calm
time for rioting in the cafeterias
time to head to funkytown

there are people dancing in the streets
there are hotdogs all for sale
someone is taking down numbers
someone is stealing my chair

don't ask me any more questions
i am starting to feel sick
these feelings shouldn't be here
i locked them up so long ago

your latino bicycle has a flat tire
my tongue feels like its on fire
shave my head and paint me blue
i need to leave this dump
i need to get away from you

MustaineFan's Weekly Advice:

Dear MustaineFan: I am 17 and I like this guy who is 18 and is one of the managers where I work. I would say that he liked me butt there is one big problem that is in the way-his girlfriend of about 2 years, even though they are always in fights they remain together.He always flirts with me constantly. If I am upset about something he always knows even though my closest friend can never tell, and he always wants to know what's wrong and he tries everything that he can to make me laugh, no matter what it is. One day he called me Jessie and I hate being called that so I told him to call me Jessica because only certain people can call me Jessie and he pointed to my sister(she works there too) and I said know and he goes someone special and I said yes, and he goes can I? And I said no.And the next time he had to ask me to do something he started to call me Jessie but then he goes Jessica, then he asked me if I heard that and I said yes. Everyone thinks that I am super bitchy to him but I can't help it, I feel as though I have to be this way otherwise he will think that I like him which I don't want him to think, even though people have already told him. One morning when I was working and so was he some girl that was also working told him that he flirts to much with me and that I liked him and he said that she didn't know the whole story - well I don't even know the whole story I have no clue as to what he was talking about. I never get to see him except on weekends when I work and sometime not even then becuase we don't always work the same shifts and then I am sad. I guess you could say that we are friends and I am happy about that but I want to have more of a relationship. Another problem is that I am seeing this guy who lives 4 hours away for about 5 months now and I feel bad but I can't help it that I like this guy and that I have strong feelings for him. He always talks like we will get together and fool around sometime but we never do. One day he was like I stopped by your house the other night but you weren't home and I was going to ask you to come out and play (really he didn't) Another time he told me that he called that morning and the funny thing is someone really did call but they hung up but I don't know if it was him or not. I am so confused please help if you can it would be greatly appreciated.

Eagerly Yours,

Scatterbrain

MustaineFan: Dear Scatterbrain,

Are you sure you're not making this up? If a girl started rattling off some unintelligible crap like this to me I'd tell her to go play in the street. That said, what you should do is try this guy on for size. Invite him over while your parents are gone and give him a test drive- if you know what I mean. If there's chemistry, great, and if not it doesn't matter because NO OTHER MAN WILL HAVE YOU!